In November of 2003, unbeknown to the world at large, Fuji TV began airing a show by the name of
ゲームセンターCX (asshole points +10 for the use of actual Japanese script!), otherwise known as GameCenter CX. Starring "The Kachō", (section chief) Shinya Arino, GameCenter CX revolves around retro games and Arino's quest to conquer them. More often than not, Arino spends upwards of a dozen hours attempting to complete a specific challenge. Ranging from getting a perfect in a bonus stage of Galaga, to completing extremely difficult and aberrant games, such as Atlantis no Nazo, Arino often struggles with the challenge he's set with. Using the help of strategy guides, cheat codes, and sometimes more talented individuals, Arino tries his damnedest to complete the challenge he's faced with.

In what is probably the most fitting piece of license-based software to ever be released, Retro Game Challenge has you performing the same types of tasks Arino does on the show.

The basic premise of the story is that Demon Arino, the Retro Game Master, has torn you from the present time and flung you into the 80's in order to test your skill the way he once tested his. Arriving in the year 1984, you meet a much younger Arino, and proceed to face the challenges laid out for you. With each new game come 4 challenges. Some may take you 30 seconds, others will take longer, or require repeated attempts. They vary in scope, some involving simply beating a specific level, or defeating a certain number of enemies, while longer ones involve beating an entire dungeon in Guadia Quest, or completing Robot Ninja Haggleman.

The real draw for Retro Game Challenge are in the games themselves, each is modeled like an NES 8-bit game, and all of them bear striking similarities to classic 8-bit titles. You'll have to challenge games from all kinds of genres that were popular in the 80's, including shooters, platformers, and even an epic RPG. Amongst the 8 different titles you'll need to challenge over the course of the game, only one stands out as a bit of a let down, that being Rally King SP, a top-down racer which is essentially the same as the original Rally King you unlock earlier in the game. The rest are all true 8-bit throwbacks, and pretty much universally fantastic, with the Ninja Gaiden/Legend of Kage/Castlevania styled Robot Ninja Haggleman 3 being the real standout.

Adding to the simple allure of "new" retro games are all of the nods to the 8-bit era of gaming. Not only in the games themselves, but out. Things like the fictional GameFan magazine, which Arino brings home from time to time, will immediately strike a nostalgic chord for anyone who grew up reading old issues of Nintendo Power, GamePro or EGM. And while these magazines, and things like a nod to Nintendo's full-length commercial The Wizard, are more late 80's, early 90's, than mid 80's, they're still fantastic.

Other great little touches come in the form of Engrish translations, little nods to EGM HoF's Dan Shu and James Mielke, and seemingly endless little winks at games and companies from the era. If you don't get the significance of finding a duck in a graveyard, feeling asleep, or being a bad dude, you may not exactly feel the same way about the game as I do, but if you don't know who Meijin Takahashi is, or why 14 button presses is important, I'll forgive you.

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that while the games included in Retro Game Challenge are good enough to entertain anyone, the real treat comes from all the nudge and winks that get thrown at you almost constantly. If you love games, it comes highly recommended. If you love, know about, or grew up in the 8-bit era, you need Retro Game Challenge.

It's finally here, the very first episode of the unnamed Player Wins Podcast! We experienced some technical difficulties in the last 15 minutes, so we apologize for the quality of the ending.

In this ridiculously long episode, Ken and I start off by going completely off-topic. Once we rein it back in, we discuss the current state of The Internauts and Player Wins, then move on to talk about what we're up to, and follow that up by answering your questions. As stated previously, this podcast is less silly and more informative, don't expect too many laughs from it, but expect a heap of information.

Enjoy, gang!

Player Wins Podcast - Episode 1
Right-Click Save-As
Time: 2:03:49

I hadn’t really expected to play the new Batman game until it’s release, mostly due to the fact that demos for these types of games don’t usually hit until after a game is released (if at all). Color me surprised when I was given the opportunity to actually play the game today, the 25th of April, one month before the actual release. I usually keep a pretty decent distance from Batman games, mostly due to the fact that they’re usually terrible (except the Adventures of Batman & Robin game from 94), but Arkham Asylum has my interest piqued, regardless of how hard I try to fight it.



Licensed games have a habit of screwing me over. This summer seems to be the season for Licensed releases, with Batman, Ghostbusters, and Wolverine all hitting around the same time. Transformers 2 is hitting in June also, but after the previous one, I’m more than apprehensive. I imagine we’ll probably get a Star Trek game, too. Hell, they made a Watchmen game…that shouldn’t happen. But oddly enough, the first three licensed games I mentioned seem to be of a higher caliber than previous shovelware we’ve been handed previously. But, I’ve been wrong before, after the Spider-Man 2 game, I thought Spider-Man 3 was going to be amazing…

I imagine more demo discs of Batman will be popping up at retail locations (Best Buy, Gamestop most likely), but from what I hear, only the PS3 is getting a demo, whereas the Xbox 360 will have to wait for a demo. This is kind of strange after getting news about the Joker being exclusive to the PS3. But regardless, I played the demo on a PS3.

The demo itself is just a challenge mode, wherein you beat the piss out of wave after wave of inmates. As you continue through each wave, the stamina, speed, and strength of the following wave increases exponentially. I think I was able to make it through five waves before I died.

I’ll try to breakdown the key points right way:

The game looks fantastic. Batman’s costume shows the damage taken, with tattered fabric and holes. These details stay consistent as you continue onto the next wave. The inmates have a few different styles/types, with different aspects changed between them. Meaning you might get the same body type, clothes and move style, but they’ll have different face paint or hairstyles. There’s great attention to detail paid to each character, specifically the skin. It sounds strange, and I guess you’d have to see it to understand, but it looks great. Also, Mark Hamill voicing the Joker between waves is likely to put a smile on anyone’s face.



This is a “hands-on” article, so I suppose I should start talking about the gameplay. I wish I could say that the gameplay blew me away, but it didn’t. I was only able to play in the Challenge Mode, so all I was able to do was fight. Obviously the other mechanics in the game weren’t present, but the hand-to-hand combat feels like your average beat ’em-up. There were a few slowdowns, either for cinematic effect, or due to actual slowdown issues, I’m not entirely sure. I will say that the directional combat is pretty fantastic. As thugs surround you, you essentially link combos together by attacking whoever is closest to you, then tapping the analog stick toward whomever you want to attack next. That aspect is pretty fluid, and the animations and styles of attacks are neat, especially when Batman just throws an elbow back and stops someone dead in their tracks without even turning around, only to continue kicking the shit out of someone to his left or right. The only real downside is that sometimes it feels oddly sluggish. For someone who was trained by ninjas, you’d think he’d move a little bit faster.

Clearly, this is a pretty early demo, and it isn’t the story mode, so the overall feel will most likely be a bit different. I’m not entirely sure which system I’ll end up buying this game for, considering how enticing playing as the Joker is, but I will be buying it. I wasn’t blown away, but I also didn’t expect a Batman game to reinvent the wheel. I didn’t expect a Batman game to do anything but suck, really.

So far? Didn’t suck.

If you've been into the gaming scene for the past 15 years, chances are you once glanced an advertisement of a little game called The Neverhood Chronicles in your favourite game magazine. There's an even bigger chance you turned the page and never thought of it again.

The fate of an overlooked PC game is much worse than that of their overlooked console brethren. While forgotten, yet treasured, console games tend to find a home in the niche of the game community, often receiving retrospective praise somewhere down the line, older PC games just tend to...disappear. Due to the fact that PC's are perpetually changing, games created for them tend to simply cease working as technology advances. While it's simple enough to find an old cart and plug it into your SNES, grabbing an old PC game and trying to install it to your latest PC is generally going to end with poor results.

So, it was with this in mind that I, on a whim, decided to pull out an old case full of 90's PC games. Amongst Myst, Riven, a copy of Fallout 2 I didn't even know I had and 3.5" floppy versions of Jazz Jackrabbit and the subsequent Christmas version, created by then 19 (!!) year old Cliff Bleszinski, was The Neverhood. I popped it into my PC, went through the motions, and not soon after...I was actually playing the game. To my (immense) surprise, the game installed and ran with zero problems. Once I knew that was the case, I settled down and dove back in.

An adventure game in the classic sense, The Neverhood was one of a few said games to be released nearing the death of the genre. Although a few years prior to the ultimate adventure game swansong, Grim Fandango, The Neverhood was nonetheless overlooked by all but the most staunch of PC adventure fans.


God damn you, pipe house puzzle! WHO SPITS WATER INTO PIPES!?

Created by Doug TenNapel, the creator of Earthworm Jim (another favourite of mine), The Neverhood Chronicles is specifically noteworthy for it's fantastic, and still unique, clay-mation techniques. Used for both the in-game sprites, as well as every locale in the game, the look of The Neverhood is something that needs to be seen to be appreciated. The team who created the game, the now defunct "The Neverhood" famously used over 3 1/2 tons of clay to create the world and the characters who inhabit it.

The Neverhood Chronicles has you adventuring as Klaymen, a mysteriously big-lipped (see: looks like a duck) fellow who wakes up one day and seems to have a single purpose, save The Neverhood. As Klaymen, your job is to seemingly search the Neverhood, a land created by and for one of seven Gods named Hoborg, for tapes that reveal the story behind the sudden turn for the worse the land has taken, and use that knowledge to free the king from his eternal slumber. As is common with PC adventure games, you'll move about solving various puzzles that range from simple brain teasers to mind-numbing symbol recognition and repetition. One hint for playing The Neverhood Chronicles: keep and pencil and paper handy.


Klaymen could easily be one of the coolest character designs of all-time.

Along with the fact that game has a sense of style and charm (the likes of which we've yet to see again in the medium) that's enticing as all get-out, the game often switches between a standard third-person, scrolling viewpoint common in adventure games, and a first-person view that literally puts you into the world. The thing that makes this view all the more enduring than in other adventure games (Myst) is the fact that it actually exists; this is a camera being run through a gigantic clay world, and the immersion that provides is profound.

The Neverhood Chronicles is also an auditory delight in more ways than one. Composed by Terry Scott Taylor, the soundtrack is as unique as you could possibly imagine. Making use of extremely odd, and seemingly random, vocal tracks and instruments of all types, the music runs the gambit from catchy and cheerful to ominous and creepy.


Fucking weasels! Cuttin' my perpetually regrowing head off and shit!

Speaking of which, something The Neverhood Chronicles has no problem doing is changing the tone and atmosphere at the drop of a hat. Whenever you're exploring the world outside, which is when you enter into first-person, things suddenly become much more creepy. The stark black sky, the sometimes barren landscapes, which are always entirely devoid of anyone else, and the foreboding music, all blend together to create a tense atmosphere, even though there's never anything to fear.

Another aspect that should probably be mentioned are the cut-scenes. Like everything else in the game, they're created with clay-mation, and are the highlight of the game's story. There several lengthy scenes amongst shorter, usually gag related, scenes. Trying eating a berry from a mushroom looking bush early in the game, then do it a couple more times and spend 5 minutes watching the results. Also, make sure to listen for someone yelling Klaymen's name, and be sure to look up for what may be one of the most pointless cut-scenes you'll ever see.


And 5 minutes later...

Unfortunately for those of us who enjoyed The Neverhood Chronicles, no sequel to the series will ever be produced. There was somewhat of a sequel with the PS1 release of the game SkullMonkeys. Starring Klaymen, and continuing the story of The Neverhood Chronicles, SkullMonkeys ended up being an average platformer filled with amazing cut-scenes and fantastic music; if you haven't heard the bonus level song from SkullMonkeys, I suggest you get on it immediately.


An unfortunately not as cool sequel to a fortunately amazing game.

There is, however, some hope for something new in the Neverhood universe, as back in 2007, Doug TenNapel announced that he was collaborating with then newly formed Frederator Films on a Neverhood feature film. Not much has been heard about it recently, but the forum thread on TenNapel's personal website has been active in the last couple months. So chances are it's still going to happen.

In terms of being able to actually find The Neverhood Chronicles, you're probably going to be paying a decent amount of money on Ebay to grab a physical copy. The lowest I've seen the game sell for is around $40USD. Many sites around the internet have The Neverhood Chronicles up for download as abandonware, and while it may be one of the few ways to play the game, I still don't recommend it, as many of the versions out there are apparently filled with problems that requiring patching, and abandonware is just a fancy term for older pirated games.

Either way, do what you can to experience The Neverhood Chronicles, you won't regret it.

So, Ken and I are on the verge of a new podcast, and as such, we've decided to take questions from you guys for our return. If you have anything to ask us, in regards to the site or anything else, fire away in the comments. We'll pick some (or all depending on the amount) to answer in our return-cast. Please note that we're simply going to be testing the waters with this one, so don't be surprised if there's a lack of goofiness on the level of "Bobby Age 8" and "AfricAIDs".

Rest assured, once we're in full swing and podcasting on a regular basis, that's probably going to be the majority of the junk we get into. We're trying to work on some sort of concrete release schedule, but like I've said in the past, working on this stuff is extremely time consuming, and sometimes it's just hard to pull it off. That being said, we're going to try out hardest to get this shit done for you guys.

Keep in mind this isn’t a review, nor will the length be incredible, its just my first impressions, after all. The new downloadable content for Left 4 Dead just went up, and being the zombie geek that I am, I downloaded it as soon as I could get my grubby mitts on the controller. With the new DLC, the game pretty much feels, well, complete. You can now play Dead Air and Death Toll in Versus mode, which was missing from the initial release for no good reason. But the real draw of the update? Survival mode.

Left 4 Dead has kept me coming back to it every so often, keeping my attention for hours on end. This could be due to the fact that I have an unhealthy obsession with the undead (as opposed to the oh-so-common healthy obsession with the undead). Valve also makes incredibly decent games, but mostly the zombie-love thing. I thought I’d be waiting for the free (FREE) content until at least June, but here we are in April with this new stuff. It’s almost like living in the future, isn’t it?

I’ve spent about two hours with the Survival mode tonight, getting a feel for what its all about. It turns out that the mode has a lot to do with –surviving-(Clearly, Capcom could learn a thing or two from Valve about creating gametypes with titles that are what they say they are…). There are 16 maps to choose from, one of which is a completely new locale, called Last Stand, where you’re set up at a lighthouse. The other 15 maps are comprised of areas you’ve seen before in the campaigns. The areas are sectioned off, full of health packs, pills, and explosives galore. You’ll fight horde after horde of zombies and “Specials,” who’s spawn times get shorter and shorter as time goes on. From what I can gather, there are awards for the four and seven minute marks.



In my first round my team lasted 02:01. It took us about four or five more rounds to beat that time. This occurrence might be a result of being out of practice, or the fact that this mode is ridiculously fucking hard. The best time I was able to achieve tonight was 03:45, in which I was the last one to die (it was very heroic, I assure you, hiding is very heroic).

For some reason I remembered someone saying that the developers could only last around 15 minutes in this mode, so I decided to take a peek at the Leaderboard. I’m not entirely sure if I was surprised, but at the very top of that Leaderboard was a team of people with very Japanese styled gamertags. Their time? Around 26 minutes. This, if nothing else, proves there is a superior race, and evolution does exist.

If you haven’t already, go download the new content, if for nothing else than the fact that it’s free. That’s almost like paying nothing.

…I really can’t fathom the type of fucking X-Men mutants that exist who can survive 26 minutes in Survival mode.